What??

Life doesn't always make sense. Sometimes, it takes years for you to learn the one thing you should have learned all along! it's amazing to think I spent all this time focusing on something that I shouldn't have. Because I realize now that I just need to not worry about guys and who I can't get. Because honestly, I can get the guy I want if it's meant to be. I just don't open myself up to them and that's what hurts me. Who cares if they think I'm weird or stupid? Obviously they aren't the ones that matter anyway. I need to just forget about them and move on with life. Not everyone is going to like you. It's just something you gotta accept and move on. I just have to stop letting what people think of me control me. I have this problem though. I have such low self esteem. It's horrible actually that I've let so many people talk me down and believe it. And i have no idea why I let them do it. Because, most of what they say isn't the important things anyway.
And i've always been the girl to like one guy and make him the only option. For a while, I thought I was doing wrong by being interested in more than one guy. But now I see it should have been like this from the beginning. Because putting my faith and trust into "maybe" getting one person is so stupid. I can't make someone my only option because that just hurts my self esteem and confidence way more than it should. Yeah, so the past 10 guys didn't like me. So what? There are a million other guys and I'm constantly surrounded by great guys that any girl would be lucky to have. yeah, they're not perfect but I never said they were. Most of the time, I think guys are jerks. but they think differently than me and that's ok. That's what makes relationships great. There are always 2 perspectives on everything. how exciting that must be.
So, the thing I need to do is let go of the past completely. Move on from those who hurt me and forgive. It's not gonna be easy, but I feel like I'm already moving forward in the right direction. Let's just see how it all goes from  here.  I've opened up to so many people here recently and that's so hard for me to do.  But I'm doing it so that "YOU" can't hurt me anymore. I gotta move forward and it might take a while. But I know I can eventually do it.