Last Night...

Last night was great. We had a speaker at Vintage and it seemed like everything she said was about me. I admit, I worry alot about being alone my whole life. It's hard not to when a guy has never been interested in me and when I am invisible to them all. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts. Most girls don't understand what that feels like. I know I should be thankful because I don't have the trouble of dealing with them, but that's not the case. I do realize now that I can't worry about it. I know I will. I think about it everyday, but I can't let it keep controlling me. I can't keep letting what happened in the past tell me how to act in the present. Because I know if I'm meant to be with someone, he'll show up. I gotta stop looking. And God has already shown me such great guys that he placed in my life without me looking and it gives me the hope to trust in him. He'll do what's right for me. I just have to go with it.

So, this sorta leads me into my next thought. My major.... I really don't know if it's for me. Half the time I feel like I'm doing the right thing and the other half I don't. It's a weird feeling. I thought for a while that I was going in the right direction, but now I'm not so sure. It's confusing and everyone keeps telling me to do the things I love. Well, that's impossible to do because the thing I love most is going to concerts. Yeah, i'd love to make a career out of that. But it's impossible. So, I really gotta figure out what I'm doing. This might not be it for me. I have no idea.

I'm trying my hardest to stay optimistic about things, but it's hard when I'm so confused about everything. I hope this all gets figured out sometime soon. It's stressful.