I don't get it.

I hate when I have to watch what I say around everyone. I know I take things too far so much, but it would be nice to have people in my life that understand that. But no, instead I feel like I'm walking on a thin line when I'm around them. I can't say anything without thinking it completely through because they might get mad at me. The sad thing is that most of the time they don't tell me they're mad and I have to find out some other way and either confront them or just say nothing. I'd rather just not say anything because I hate confrontation. I wish people would just be honest with me though. I'm not asking for much.

People wonder why I try to be invisible even more than I already am. It's because nobody ever accepts me just the way I am. I always have to change something about myself when I'm around that person so that they'll talk to me and hang out with me. I don't think that's how it should be. If I didn't, I'd have no friends.

So, I'm going to just be me and stay away from people for a while I think. If I don't talk to you much, don't worry about it. It's just my way of dealing with the craziness going on. I can't keep watching my every step.

I'm just going to focus on school and I"m going to focus on fixing my relationship with God. Because that's all that matters. I got some big plans for my future and I hope I get his approval on it all. I think I'm going in the right way and I don't need a guy for that. I'm so glad I realize how much time I've wasted looking for someone when I was always meant to be alone. What a relief.

Well, I gotta study now....