Today has been one of those days where I've just been thinking a lot. To start out, I've been thinking about my past and how all I want now is to learn from it. I'm tired of thinking "what if" and things such as that. I'm ready to learn from those things and move on. I'm ready to be content with my past and that's it. It's going to be hard for me to do, but I know that I can do it somehow. Most of all, I really just want to learn how to accept the things I've learned from Jason and Daniel. They were my two biggest obstacles. And I want to be able to remember that Josh was everything I didn't want in a guy. I learned from another important person the things that I do want in a guy and I'm so thankful to have known him. He helped me realize that I'm ready to move on and to find that guy worth taking the chance on. I really wish I could just tell him how thankful I am. But I'm just glad to know I'll always have him as a friend, no matter how far away he lives now. I honestly just need help with letting go of my past, not just guys but with EVERYTHING.
The second thing I want to talk about is my failure at being a good friend. I know I'm not the best and I have alot of problems. I bring people down because I'm always negative but it's just how I am. It's hard to change the person you are so fast, so it would be nice to give me some time. But I can't change completely and if that's what you're looking for, then you don't need to be my friend.
Honestly, the thing that I've thought most about is this new thing that's appeared in my life. By new thing, I mean a guy. haha. I don't know much about him, but I do know he's a good guy. I've love to get to know him better but I'm on a tight schedule on time. But overall, I love the fact that there's this great guy who has really caught my eye because of his sincerity and kindness. I don't expect anything either and I'm not getting all crazy thinking I even have a chance. I just want to see where this all goes, but I keep thinking of all my past attempts at finding a guy. But I didn't find him, he just appeared and it was definitely unexpected which I find amazing. I swore off guys and yet here a guy that fits so much of what I wanted shows up. It's pretty crazy to think about. I don't know where I'm going with this paragraph, but I just wanted to share this with everybody :)
As you can see, I've got a few bad things going on like getting over my past and now I got this new good thing which I'm hoping stays a good thing for a while. Just a lot of mixed emotions today....
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