Somehow I've managed to post on this thin 50 times already. I really thought nobody ever read these things. Come to find out, many people have told me they've been reading. This makes me a little scared. Knowing I pour everything out here. Who knows what they think of me?
Anyway, I'd like to start out by saying that I have many things to be happy about. God has answered prayers, some of them I've gotten the answer I wanted and for others I'm sitting here crying because I hate the answer. I know it's for the best though. My dear cousin Nikolas finally got put onto the lung transplant list today. Thank God for that. I've been praying for his life for so long. I'm just hoping this means we'll get to keep him for much longer. I've been having money problems and somehow money has been showing up for various reasons. I'm so thankful for this and I hope things get better as I keep putting my faith in God.
I guess to really say it, I've had a bad day. I've wanted to cry my eyes out and haven't. Why cry over something so stupid? Why waste my tears on something I should have known not to put my heart into? I learned my lesson, maybe. I had some crazy thoughts and obviously they were wrong.
Isn't it crazy how someone seems to have the power of taking your heart and you don't even know it? You get it back and it's torn into a million pieces and you never quite put it back together because that person hurt you so much in the end. Yet, you open your heart up to love someone else who does the same EXACT thing. Is that stupidity on my part? Now, I try to let someone else in and it failed. Does this mean I'm incapable of loving anyone again? I don't know....
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