Stupid me. I did it again. I managed to over-think something and ruin it by deciding I need to talk about it. Obviously, I need to learn how to just accept things for what they are. I was so confused though. I felt like I needed to bring it up and all I did was ruin everything. Typical me. I thought I'd learned my lesson by now. No, of course not.
I guess I just wanted some type of reassurance. I know that it wasn't needed. I let my past show up again and tell me these lies. Why can't I just forget about the past completely? I was hurt then. I believed anything my insecure brain would tell me. I'm still doing it. The thoughts have been running through my head for the past week. I guess I'll just tell you what they were. This won't come as a shock to most of you. What I hear: you'll never be good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not worth anything, nobody will ever want you, people will only use you..... Yeah, the list goes on. I think I'll stop before I make you all think I'm crazy.
I don't know why I get like this. Maybe that's why people walk away from me. I know part of it is because I push them away, but I think it all comes down to them not being able to deal with this. I can't change who I am though. I'm an insecure girl who believes I need to face the world alone. Maybe that'll change one day. I have no idea. I just know that for now I'm who I am. You either accept it or you don't.
Hey lady. You're not alone whatsoever. Besides being surrounded by people who love you, there is a king who is completely in love with every part of who you are. In his eyes, you dont mess up. You aren't insecure. There's nothing wrong with you because you're his creation, his bride. You're spotless, you're absolutely breathtaking, and he loves spending every second with you. he loves when you speak your mind. He gave you that voice for a reason. On days like today, just crawl into his lap and let him play with your hair. He wants to take your pain and ease your worries. Thats what he's there for. :) Praying for you!
ReplyDelete