Again.

I'm doing it again. I'm running off the only friend I have here. That's what happened the last time and it took quite a while to be back to normal again. I don't want to do that again and I am. I have a feeling negative and positive people weren't meant to be friends.

I don't want to be negative. But it's hard to change who I am just for my friends. I shouldn't have to, but I know if I want to keep the few friends I have then it's what I have to do. They don't understand why I'm like this and I don't expect them to. I just know I'm sorry for being like this because I ruin everything.

It just seems that every time I try to be positive, something horrible happens. I'm not strong like everyone else and it takes me down so fast. I don't have time to tell myself it'll be okay. I just slowly sink down with the problem. I don't want to do that anymore.

I see a good thing happening right in front of me and I'm scared to death. I want it to work out, but it's so hard for me to have hope that it will. He's different though and I want it to work out. I want to put everything from my past behind me. I want to take this chance and see what happens. It's just going to be hard to take that next step.

I'm thankful for all the positive people in my life, but it hurts when they don't understand me. But they can't. It hurts even more when you know they've given up on you. So, that leaves me to say that I just can't give up on myself. If I give up on myself, then I really do have nothing. I'm the only one holding on to the hope that I'll change and be positive. I need someone to have hope in me again. I guess that's just me and God for now.