I thought when you got to college that things were supposed to change. I thought that even when you were one of those invisible people in high school, that college was the place to find people like you. No, wrong answer. They lied to me all this time. I feel more alone than I ever did in high school. I had just a close group of friends I got to see Monday through Friday for most of the year. It's what I needed to survive in my own little world. I didn't care about having alot of friends cuz I had the most important people in my life.
Fast forward to college: I have less friends that I feel close to. Not cool. I barely had enough friends in high school. Now, I'm even more limited. Yeah, I have a few people that I talk to. But it's hard to get close to someone when you're life pretty much consists of going to class and doing all the studying for it. It's ridiculous and sometimes doesn't seem worth it.
I'm so stuck living in my dream world that I can't escape. I met a guy about 2 months ago and it seems like all I do is think about him. Which is so annoying. I feel crazy, but things just seem different with him. I seem to matter to him. I'm not invisible and he doesn't walk all over me. It's an amazing feeling. But I feel stupid when I think about him as much as I do when that shouldn't be a priority.
My escape is music. People think I'm made of money or something because I go to all kinds of shows all the time. Why? Because I need to get out of there. I need to get away from my crazy dreams and their impossibility of ever being reality. I'm bringing myself into this crazy place. I gotta stop doing that.
All I need to do is focus on school, but that's so hard when my heart's just not in it. I have no idea what I'm even doing here most of the time. Wasting my life away? Possibly. Finding myself? Definitely.
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