You're No Good For Me.

I'm proud of myself. Why? Because I didn't think about him until around 5 today. And when I did, I pushed it right out of my mind. Because I'm done. I'm not feeling sorry for myself that I can't get him. Because obviously he's not the right guy. He's not even the one I like the most anyway. So, it's okay. None of them have been right and I'm just thankful I actually know good guys in the world. But I refuse to think about him. Knowing there's a chance I'll see him tomorrow really bothers me. I don't want to because I know I can't just forget about liking someone that fast. I'm trying my hardest though. I just want him to be gone already. December can't come soon enough :)

I'm done making guys so important. My best guy friend pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. So guess what? Forget him. I don't want to be the only one trying to make this friendship last. It's not worth it. I can find better people to be friends with. It makes me  happy that I have Seth. Because I know that no matter how much time goes by, he won't forget about me. That's a real friendship. He's a good friend and I hope he's in my life for a long time.

My dreams will not involve any guy. NONE! Because when I do that, I'll get my hopes up for nothing. I'm not getting hurt anymore. I know that my life will be good with or without a guy. Sure, I want children and I can still get them if it's God's will. Being married is not the only  option for children. I'm going to take care of me though. Because I'm not going to rely on people anymore because they won't ever be there when I really need them.

I'm going to try to forget about my negativity. I don't need someone to help me with that either. I'm going to do it all on my own. Well, with God's help. I'm going to be thankful for everything good in my life. Sure, it's not much but I'm happy with what I have. I read a quote earlier that said something along the lines of "do more of what makes you happy". I take that as a clear sign to go to shows ALL the time. Because it's what makes me happy. I need happy in my life because I'm tired of feeling hurt.

I don't need alot of people to be happy either. I can be happy all on my own. This might be selfish, but I know I have to take care of myself. Because if I don't, nobody ever will. Like I said before, I don't need a guy and I honestly don't want one right now. I want a guy when I'm emotionally stable. I want a guy when I can treat him the way he deserves. I don't need another person who just feels sorry for me or hates me. I just want a guy to love me, not take care of me. I just want to love a guy without having to "fix" him.

So, for now that means it's just me and God. I'm going to change things and I"m going to be happier. If I have to yell at myself every day, I'll do it. Because I'm done with people treating me like a charity case. Well, that's how I feel. I can do this. I know I can.

I realized the only time I seem happy is when some stupid guy comes along. This proves my point that my priorities are all wrong. God first from now on. I'm done trying to do it my way. It's hurting me more than I ever imagined.