I'm trying to be happy and move on from the things that are crushing me at the moment. It's extremely hard and I don't want to do that though. I just don't feel like I should give up that this could work out. I really think it could. They say when you love someone, you don't give up. Why do I always have to believe that stupid quote?
I understand that I'm not good enough. I never was and never will be. It hurts, but I can't do anything about it. It just would have been a whole lot easier if he never would have said that he liked me. Because I still have that stupid idea in my head that we're gonna be together and we're not. He just wants to be friends. Just stupid friends. What happens when he gets a girlfriend? I get to be the good friend and tell him that I'm so happy for him. Yeah, not something I want to do. I just wanna be with him. That's it.
And here I am being stupid. Wanting to hang out with him every possible minute of the day. Talk to him any time I can. Why can't I just accept that I'm not good enough for him? I really am the biggest idiot.
I guess that's what I get for going against my rules. I said no more guys. I didn't want to get hurt again. I didn't wanna feel the way I feel now. I never wanted the feeling of not being good enough. But it's here again...
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.... Probably not. I still won't be good enough.
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