I've questioned everything over the past 3 weeks. It's been crazy and unbelievable. It's made me wonder what I'm actually doing with my life and if I should change things. I guess I'll try to make sense of this on here.
1. Should I even be in college? A part of me feels like I'm wasting my time because I don't even know if social work is what I want to do. I'm trying to do this for my family, but I have no idea if it's even worth it.
2. I don't understand how people can keep trying to just use me to get what they want. Am I being too nice to people? I have no idea. I'm just tired of caring and then getting treated like crap.
3. Bad news: Pa's not doing so well. They say he has probably about 6 months to live. He's lived a good life and I'm trying to keep that in mind. It's hard, but I know I'll be okay. I just have to keep strong for everyone else.
4. I'm almost sure that I know what I want for my birthday. I want to get a tattoo. Shocking? Yeah, I know. I also know I'll get a lot of crap about it too, but I really just don't care anymore. It's what I want and I should just do it, right?? I also want to spend the day with Kyle. I doubt that'll happen, but I can dream right? I miss him so much. I promise that I won't make this post about him too though :)
5. So, here's the part where I shouldn't really talk about this, but I'm going to anyway.... The topic of sex has been brought up by two different people over the past few weeks. I don't know why, but I am apparently wanted in some way like that. I don't really know how to feel about that. Positive feelings because I'm not a total disgusting person?? Or negative feelings because that's the only way they see me?? I'll be the first to admit that I'm a virgin and I see nothing wrong with that. Reasons?? I want it to be with someone who cares and that I'll possibly marry, I don't want to have a child right now and nothing but abstinence is 100%, and it just complicates things. People don't think about consequences, but I do. I'd like to think that I'm level-headed. Nothing wrong with that, right?? I'm just.... confused.....
6. I hate that people automatically think I'm some perfect person. They think I'm so perfect and they also seem to think that I'm so conservative and believe what most of these stupid people around here think. WRONG! I don't see a problem with people having sex before marriage. I wouldn't be here without it. Simple as that. I don't think you should jump into bed with just anyone, but if you care then go for it I guess. Not my problem. Also, the whole same sex thing is annoying. I might be a christian, but if two people love each other then just leave them alone and let them be happy. It's not hurting you in any way so stay out of it. I don't know what else to say about it. Alcohol: go for it. As long as you're not some certified drunk, then I don't see the problem is drinking every once in a while. Don't make it a priority and don't be stupid about it. Just be smart. I'm done ranting about things now.
7. I am making friends!! This might not seem important, but I've lost most contact with all of my friends lately. Why? I don't really know. I am making new friends though and it's been nice. I won't lie. I like having these new people in my life because they don't know my past and they won't unless I decide to tell them about it. It's like a new start. It's rather nice. People who don't know about Jason = great :)
I guess I'm done for a while... I haven't written so I thought I'd just share what's on my mind.
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